After a traumatic birth, I don’t want sex
love my partner and we want another baby, but since the arrival of our baby daughter, we have only had sex three times
My partner and I have been together for six years and have a 14-month-old daughter. When I was pregnant, I bled after we had sex so we stopped. I then had a bad birth and tore badly and had to be rushed to surgery. After that, I didn’t feel comfortable with sex for six months, until I had been checked by my gynaecologist. Since then, we have only had sex three times, and I’m really worried as I just don’t want to. I love him so much, and we both want another baby.
What an enormous amount of pressure you’re putting yourself under. There are very good reasons why you don’t feel very sexual right now and they are mostly described by you above. But in addition, there are natural changes in your hormones at the moment that lower your desire and arousal.
Be patient, and ask your partner to be patient. Your sexual desire will return naturally when the time is right. At this point, nature is making sure you take it easy until your body has recovered from the last birth.
Find some relaxation methods that appeal to you, such as light yoga, meditation or massage, and learn to reduce your anxiety. When you are ready, start doing some exercise and organise some childcare so that you can spend private time with your partner.
Right now, though, stop worrying – things will eventually return to the way they were.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
